Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
