She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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