Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
