How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
