What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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