and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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