Kiss
Puke
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
