and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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