the day after is always just damage control
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
