I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My ass is underappreciated
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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