You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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