Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
