there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
