I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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