Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
