The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
