First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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