I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
