Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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