Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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