i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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