Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
