This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
