I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
