When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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