R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we made out on top of his cat.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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