I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm too high and old for this...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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