At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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