The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just found puke in my bra..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
