Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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