butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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