the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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