You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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