I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
