she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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