the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
