I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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