I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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