pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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