i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea