Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?