bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm getting married
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.