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I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
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