You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.