Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.