Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly