I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Too much gin, very little bucket
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
