3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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