My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
