Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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