hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
