I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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