I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
