I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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