can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
