Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
