either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You can't motorboat a personality
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
