You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
