Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
