i would punch a child for taco bell
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
