Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
