North Korea, Best Korea!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
