You made me cry and you don't even care
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
