Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my sisters under your porch take her home
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
