This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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