If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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