So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
