Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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