Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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