we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
